The Truth Is Set Free, So Why Aren't We?
by Alwyn Elderberry
Summary: Unresolved issues that the show has yet to deal with come out in this heated conversation
1. Issues

PLEASE READ FIRST!

I figured out that I'm not gonna be able to work on my other stories until I got this story (or at least this chapter) out of my system. It's very minimalist in nature and part of that's laziness on my part. But it's already quite long without any additional narrative. Hope you like it though!

There are boat loads of unresolved issues that the longer I watch, the more obvious it becomes that the show doesn't plan on doing so. At least not on screen. So, this was sort of therapy for me. I just wanted to take all the things that were still frustrating me about either character and find a way to resolve them, at least in my own head. Hope it has the same effect for some of y'all out there. Enjoy

* * *

**Chapter One: Issues**

"Luke, what are you doing?"

"Spring cleaning. What's it look like?"

"It's the end of the Summer."

"Yeah? Tell that to Señor Scanky Scarf. Honest to God. Is he sponsored by Abercrombie & Fitch or just extremely uncreative?"

"What?"

"Did I stutter?"

"Luke, why are you doing this?"

"Because apparently my boyfriend took the phrase "sucking up" to his teacher a little too literally."

[Ah damm.] "What are you talking about?"

"Wow. It's a good thing you're a director, because your acting sucks."

"Look Luke, whatever you think you saw…"

"I never said I 'saw' anything."

"Well obviously you did or you wouldn't be acting this way."

"So what upsets you more, Noah. The fact that you kissed him or the fact that I saw you do it?"

"Okay, first of all. I didn't kiss him. He kissed me."

"Don't even try to play the victim here. You kissed him back. You know it and I know it so let's just all know it and go on with our lives."

"No. NO. That is not what happened. He kissed me."

"Oh, I see. I must've misinterpreted it. Kinda like the way I misinterpreted that Brian Wheatley ever kissed me. Oh but wait…"

"Okay, I deserve that. But that doesn't change the fact that I did not kiss Mason."

"I see. So did he zap you with his freeze ray, because you were in no hurry to push him off of you."

"What? Were you timing me?" Noah asked. "Luke, the second my head stopped spinning and I figured out what was happening, I pushed him off."

But Luke, having spent hours plagued by his imagination, was far beyond the reach of reason or understanding. "You know what? Say whatever the hell you want. You're not my problem anymore."

"So… so what now? That's it? We-we-we talk about it for ten seconds a-a-and then you just walk out?"

"Well I _wanted_ to talk earlier but your tongue was otherwise engaged."

"Okay, I'm gonna take that hit because I know you're going through hell right now, but I need you to be serious about this."

"Fine." Luke froze, eyes without mercy locked on Noah. "_Seriously_, would you have even told me that it happened?"

Noah's mouth opened, but his voice hesitated.

"Well I guess I got my answer."

"Yes, God, Luke. Of course I would've told you, but at the moment, you're too busy reenacting a Dire Straits video to give me a chance."

"So when would you have told me? Huh? Soon as you got home? Later today? Tomorrow? Next week?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah. Even though I know that's asking a lot from you right now."

Noah's eyes called Luke on his snarkiness. "I would've told you when I thought you could handle it without having a nervous breakdown."

"Meaning…"

"Meaning you've got more than enough to deal with already with your father's death. And I can barely take seeing how much you've been hurting as it is, much less…"

"Really? Because you didn't have any problem telling me what a great time you had in L.A. while I was here falling to pieces."

"Oh here we go!"

"We? No. Me. I'm going. You do whatever the hell you want."

"Luke, will you _please_ just stop packing long enough to talk – _really_ talk about this?"

"No. I'm sick of talking."

"Luke, please." Noah reached to take Luke's hands; Luke snatched them away.

"Do – NOT – touch me!"

For Noah, to hear those words was to hear an echo that took eight long months to return to him. "O-… okay," he said, stepping carefully back as if not to frighten a wild animal. "I'm… I'm sorry."

"Alright. You're sorry."

"But Luke, could you please… please just stop packing long enough to…"

"Tell me something Noah…" Luke began. "Back when you thought your father died, how would you have felt if I came to you with some sh'it-eating grin on my face telling you what an awesome time I had partying it up with Hollywood's finest and then proceed to practically bounce with glee from all the new and exciting ideas I had about online exposure to cast my big blockbuster movie? And what's more, it turns out I was doing all this partying while I knew you were at home balling like a baby in one big, snotty, blubbery mess? Huh? How would that have made you feel?"

Noah's eyes are suddenly opened to Luke's point of view. His head hung slightly down, he said simply, "Awful. I would've felt awful." He forced his eyes back up. "I'm sorry, I didn't realise how insensitive that was."

"Yeah, it was. Only it didn't stop there," Luke kept on. "What was _really_ insensitive was the fact that you were even able to _go_ to a party and have a great time if my father really meant all that much to you. I mean, hey, that's what I do when someone I care about dies. Party it up. Right?"

Noah resented the over-simplification. "Oh so you're just gonna twist everything around now. Is that it?"

"What exactly did I twist around?"

"Luke, did it ever occur to you that maybe I went to the party because I felt guilty for not staying here with you?"

"Oh I see. So then better to party the guilt away than call and support your grieving boyfriend?"

"No, it's just… Luke, I would've much rather spent the night on the phone with you. I was even about to call you when Mas-…" Noah caught himself, but too late to save himself. _(Please tell me I didn't just say that.)_

Luke's scoff was hard a bitter. "And _there's_ the magic word."

Noah sighed. "Luke, what was I suppose to do? Tell everyone I'd rather sit in my room and be miserable?"

Luke shouted. "YES! Noah. YES, that's exactly what you should have done! Because that's what you do when you lose someone you love. You grieve for them. You don't go out and party with movie stars so you won't have to think about them." Then, Luke asked, "What if I had died? Would you have gone out and partied then?"

Noah couldn't answer that Luke's death would be entirely different, knowing that Luke's current frame of mind would interpret it as Noah not loving Holden.

Luke took advantage of Noah's silence. "I'm curious… Did you start to feel guilty before or _after_ Jude Law passed on your script?"

Noah countered. "When are you gonna admit that you're not as mad at me for going as you are at yourself for telling me to go?"

"No! Dammit! No!" Luke shouted. "I am SO damm TIRED of you NOT taking responsibility for your actions just because you've asked for my PERMISSION right after backing me into a corner."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Noah. "Backing you into a corner?"

"It's like Ameera all over again."

"Wha-… Ameera?" Noah asked. "Are you so desperate for ammunition that you had to drag up Ameera?"

"I didn't drag up anything. You did," Luke said. "Because, history's repeating itself. And at the moment, history's name is Ameera."

"In what universe are going to California and Ameera in any way related?"

"Because once again, you put me in a position where I had no choice!" Luke snapped. "You NEVER should've put me in that position. You NEVER should've put me in a position where I had no choice but to say yes."

"So we're back on Ameera now?" Noah asked. "Luke, you could have said…"

"No, Noah. I couldn't," Luke countered. "Any other answer would've made me feel like a murderer. And you KNEW that. And you USED that to not have to make the choice by yourself."

Noah's mind began to jumble. "No, I thought I was being considerate."

"Fine. Then tell me this, Mister Considerate," Luke began. "If you and Maddie were still together when you met Ameera, would you still have married her?"

Noah hesitated.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

"Dammit, Luke, you didn't even give me a chance to answer you."

"The fact that you had to even stop and think about it is all the answer I need."

"Luke, the reason I had to think about it is because I'm answering a question about someone that I haven't been for a long, long time. It's not that simple!"

"No, I think it is. You wouldn't have married Ameera because you would've never wanted to put Maddie through something like that. But you had no problem putting me through it."

Now the gloves were beginning to come off. "No problem putting you through it? Are you kidding me? That was HELL for me. You weren't the only one who suffered for that."

"Oh, poor you! You called ALL the shots, Noah. Every decision that was made, you had the final say."

"That is not tr-"

"And anytime you had to choose a side, mine or Ameera's, you took hers. Every – Single – Damm – Time."

"Okay. That's bull and you know it."

"Fine. Tell me one time when you took my side over hers."

"Luke, that was over a year ago."

"Funny. It's pretty damm clear in my mind."

"But Luke, you knew she was alone. You knew how afraid she was. know what she was going through. She…"

Luke was surprised to find himself cackling beyond sanity. "You're even doing it right now!"

"Doing what?"

"Defending her!"

"No! I'm not defending her. I'm just…"

"That's exactly what you're doing! You've done nothing but try to give me reasons why I shouldn't feel angry at a woman who tried to steal my boyfriend from me after I risked my own life to save her from two drunken idiots who wanted to kidnap her and do God only knows what. So how does she repay me? She buys a new dress to try and seduce said boyfriend and then cries like a little girl when it doesn't work. And you encouraged her."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh yeah. All she had to do was pout for you to drop the whole damm world – including m-… no _especially _me – and come running to her rescue."

"Man," Noah said, as much to himself as anyone. "I am really sucking tonight."

"And do you have ANY idea how much it hurt to have you keep telling me that she's your wife as a reason to take her word over mine? I ask you why you believed her – the woman who stole your father's letter from your backpack and called him behind your back – over me, the person who was risking serious jailtime by playing along with what you knew in your heart of hearts that I never wanted to happen in the beginning. And do you know what you said? You said "She's my wife"? What the fukk is wrong with you?"

Noah learned in that moment, how it felt to be repeatedly stabbed from the outside with the same blade he had been slicing himself from within. For Luke's benefit, Noah said to himself, "I did do that, didn't I."

But Luke kept up his pace to prevent sympathizing with Noah's apology. "And you know what really eats my lunch? Even if we had gotten married someday, I would've been your second marriage because that slut got to you first."

Finally! One that Noah could disprove with facts, or so he thought. "That's not true. The marriage was annuled. As far as I or the law is concerned, it never happened."

Luke wasn't impressed. "Something tells me Ameera wouldn't see it that way. And even if it's not your second marriage, it WOULD be your second wedding. But hey, at least I had ring side seats for the first one, right?"

Noah recognized the bait. Nearly took it. "So then what should I have done, huh? Just let her go back to Iraq so you and I could be together without the inconvenience of having to save somebody's life?"

"Honest to God, Noah. Do you really think she would have gone? Do you honestly think she would rather go live in a war zone than let her fake gay husband have time alone with his boyfriend? Because even if that were the case, that should've been a pretty big clue as to how she felt about you. And you know what really pisses me off?"

(Oh God. There's even more?)

"That you let that ungrateful, passive-aggressive, man-stealing b'itch leave here thinking she'd done absolutely nothing wrong."

Noah felt he was being asked to build a time machine, and if being honest with himself, if he possessed the tools and the skill, he would have. "Luke, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to drive to California and tell her what a horrible person she is? Because if that'll help, I will hop in my truck right now and be yelling at her on her doorstep this time tomorrow. Is that what you want me to do?"

Luke couldn't help but be amused by the thought. "No, Noah. I'd just like you to own up to the fact that by treating me like a clingy jealous boyfriend while remaining fully devoted to your fake wife – you completely and totally dishonored me and made me feel like a damm concubine. Except you didn't want me for sex, so a concubine would've technically been more important than me too. My bad."

"Luke, you can't believe that."

"Look in my eyes, Noah. Look in my eyes and tell me I don't believe that."

"Luke. What do you want from me?"

"I want my firsts back, you son of a b-itch! All of them!"

"What are you talking about?"

"I want my first kiss to be with someone who doesn't tell me it was just a joke, then tell me it was a mistake. I want someone to tell he loves me for the first time without getting engaged to somebody else that same day. And I wanna make love to somebody for the first time without it being a quickee on his lunch break."

"Oh, so that's how you're gonna always remember our first time? A quickee on my lunch break?"

"Why not? Isn't that what happened."

"Luke, you know that's not what it was. At least, not to me."

"Oh, that's right! I forgot about the ice cream with my grandmother. Wow… Can't think of a better way to share the afterglow."

"Hey, it is not my fault that our first time wasn't the way we planned it."

"Oh, it isn't?"

"No, it's isn't."

"Hmmm… Yeah, I think it kinda is, actually."

"Excuse me?"

"Oh you definitely played your part."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning that, once again, Luke came in second place… right after Maddie."

"Oh here we go. Maddie again."

"Yeah, Maddie again."

"Luke… I left Maddie to be with you."

"Right. Sorry, Denzel, no Oscar this year."

"What?"

"I'm saying you're either lying or you're really confused, Noah. Maddie dumped you, which is what I should've done a long time ago. She kicked your sorry ass to the curb because you never came forward with your dirty little secret – and by that, I mean me – and instead you just paraded your relationship in front of me like my heart was a damm jumping castle for you two to pounce on – you begged her to take you back – twice – and then once she finally, _finally_ convinced you that there wasn't a snowcone's chance in Hell that she was gonna take you back… _then _and only then did you ever show any interest in being… actually _being _with me."

"I didn't even realise you felt that way."

"How could you not?"

"Because I personally didn't see it that way, not to mention that you never told me that you did."

"Oh sure. I'm supposed to tell the nice guy who's trying to get me walking again that, even though he's being a saint now, I'm still hurt and angry by everything he's done before we were actually together?"

"Oh."

"Oh? That's all you've got? Oh?"

"Luke, give me a second. Dammn."

"And then New Years Eve, you take all those old wounds and rip them back open again by abandoning me for your exgirlfriend."

"That is not what happened and you know it."

"Sure looked like it from where I was sitting."

"Luke, how many times do I have to tell you this? She was crying when she came into Metro. She needed to get out of there and I didn't think she should be alone."

"I see. So did you sprain your texting thumb?"

"What?"

"Or do you have some sorta special cell phone that doesn't work outside of Metro?" Luke scoffed. "Or maybe your wrist was broken and that's why you couldn't even wave at me to let me know you were leaving. You just took off."

"Okay. You're right. I should've called and told you where I was going, but you should have trusted me."

"Really? Why?"

"Because I'd never given you any reason not to."

"Noah, you KNEW I had issues with Maddie."

"But Luke, it's Maddie."

"Yeah, I know. The Maddie who the whole time she was here acted like your b.f.f. and treated me like a total stranger."

"What? No she di-…"

"Yes she did! But of course you wouldn't notice because you were too busy hanging onto her every damm word."

"Luke, she's a friend. I hadn't seen her since…"

"…since she left for school telling you she was afraid for me because she didn't think I could depend on you. Too bad the Psychic Friends aren't still hiring because she pretty much pegged that one. So excuse me if I'm a little confused as to why you two were so chummy and me, the friend she was so worried about you screwing over, was suddenly reduced to an extra in your little scene."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realise you felt that way."

"Oh, please! You just don't wanna take responsibility for the fact that you left your alcoholic boyfriend in a bar while running after your exgirlfriend."

"Well what did you think was gonna happen? For God's sake, Luke. I'm gay and she's a woman."

"Didn't stop you the first time."

"I wasn't out the first time. On New Years, I was. The whole bar saw me dancing with my boyfriend. That should have been a pretty big clue. Noah Mayer is an out, gay man."

"An out gay man who had yet to put the 'sex' in 'homosexual', and if you hadn't noticed, gay college men aren't exactly known for their restraint."

"Yeah, and if you haven't noticed. You and I aren't most gay men. And besides all that, I think it was pretty damm clear that I had every intention of putting the 'sex' in 'homosexual' that very night."

"Right, but you'd already put the 'sex' in something. Me, not so much."

"What are you talking about?"

"Let's just say that, before that night, one of us had something pretty important in common with Jesus' mommy and, here's a hint, it wasn't you."

"Wha-… You mean because you were a virgin?"

Luke punched both fists towards the sky. "And the crowd goes wild!!!"

"So… so… so what are you saying. You were nervous?"

"Try terrified."

"Why? What did you think? That you wouldn't know what to do?"

"Not exactly. I mean I had a general idea of what went where, but I had absolutely no idea whose what went where or if maybe you didn't want your what to go to a particular where or if both our whats were going to go to both our wheres or…"

"Okay, okay. I get it. But Luke, I would've been there the whole time. We would've figured it out together."

"Right. Me and Captain Communication. What could possibly go wrong?"

"You didn't even give me a chance."

"Because I wanted my first time to be with my boyfriend. Not with my instructor."

"Luke, I'd never done it either. I mean I'd never done the… the way that mattered."

"So what are you saying? Are you saying that when it was you and Maddie, you didn't… I mean, with Maddie you never took the… ya know… back door?"

"Oh God."

"Well?"

"No. Okay? No. It was front entrance only."

"Oh, thanks. Thanks for that."

"I-I'm... sorry. That was a dumb thing to say. And as for being with Maddie, it never should have happened and I wish it hadn't. I would've loved nothing more than for my first time to be with you."

"Well if 'ifs' and 'buts' were candy and nuts then we'd all have a wonderful Christmas now, wouldn't we?"

"I thought we did have a wonderful Christmas."

"Sure, Christmas was merry, but we were Hell and Gone from the Happy New Year."

"Okay, okay. So I screwed up and didn't take your… inexperience with door usage into consideration and I should have. But was that really enough of a reason to start drinking and then coming onto Brian?"

"Wow… You really don't get it do you."

"Apparently not."

"Noah, we had just gotten back together. We had trust issues up to our ears. You saw how I felt when you were holding Maddie's hand in Java. You had to know it'd bother me to find her lipstic on your damm cheek. And the cherry on top is that I was recovering from a nervous breakdown. Thanks for that, by the way."

"Wha-… Oh so it's my fault you started drinking?"

"You were definitely the inspiration."

"And stuffing the ballot box. I guess that was my fault too?"

"Dammit! I did NOT stuff the ballot box!"

"Oh, this oughta be good."

"I didn't!"

"No?"

"No! I was hurting, and in a moment of weakness, I let myself get talked into letting somebody stuff the box. That was not my idea."

"Oh so that makes it right?"

"No it doesn't make it right. But I'm sick of everyone trying to make me out to be the mastermind behind some scheme to steal the election when what I did was exercise poor judgment by letting somebody use my insecurities to twist my arm."

"Oh wow. And you think I'm lying to myself."

"Hey, I never said it was right. I know I was wrong. I'm just saying my mistake was letting myself get talked into doing something I know I shouldn't have and not some premeditated scandal like everyone tried to make it sound..."

"But why did you…"

"BECAUSE!!! Because I had been made a laughing stock in front of the entire school! In front of the entire dammn world on the world wide web! And do you remember what you said to me when it happened…"

"Not the exact words, but…"

"You told me to rise above it. To not let them get to me. Not once did you tell me you even cared that I'd been humiliated. Not once did you lift so much as a finger to defend me. You just wanted me to not say anything. To just roll over and take it."

Noah's stare was blank as was his memory. Or perhaps there was nothing to remember. Nothing that would save him from this tongue-lashing anyway.

"Forget it. You obviously have no idea what I'm talking about. Ya know, it's too bad you're not black. Then you could go find a bus to sit in the back of."

"Dammit, Luke. Would you stop with the mud-slinging already. It's not helping."

"And why is it that whenever it comes to dealing with homophobia, you're so willing to roll over and take it."

"Luke, we've talked about this. I'll never be as out and proud as you are. I'm out and unashamed. Why isn't that enough?"

"Oh, I see. So were you out and unashamed when you were so ready to dive back into the closet the second Brian Wheatley told us not to be open about our relationship."

"I wasn't thinking about us. I was thinking about the foundation."

"I see. So you were willing to stay in the closet so people would give us money."

"Luke, you know it's more complicated then that."

"How's that supposed to make me feel, Noah? Am I supposed to feel that you're so proud to be with me that you're willing to jump back into the closet? Is that how you tell the world you're proud of who you're with."

"Luke, you know that's not what it was about."

"Tell me something. Let's say if one day we had had a son who just happened to be gay. Would you be able to look him in the eye and tell him you did your part to make it that much easier to be himself because you lived openly and honestly, no matter what the world thought or said?"

"A yeah ago… probably not. Now? Yeah. Yes, I think I could."

"Great. Well, Noah. Too little. Too late."

Luke walk toward the door to leave, but before he could grab his car keys off the key rack, Noah grabbed them, put them in his shirt pocket and snapped it shut.

Luke snapped, "What the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing. I'm just gonna hold onto your keys until you're calm enough to drive."

"Oh, so I'm your hostage now?"

"You're not tied to a chair, Luke. If you wanna get away from me, I'll call you a cab. Hell, I'll even pay for it, but you are not driving while you're this upset."

"Fine. Then go away and I'll wait till I've calmed down."

"No."

"And why not?"

"Because for all I know, the second I leave here, you'll hop in your car and drive off and get yourself killed."

"What difference would it make? I'm gonna be dead pretty soon anyway."

"Luke, so help me, if I find out you've been drinking, I will handcuff you to the toilet and force feed you nothing but cranberry juice for a week."

"Oh, nice. Noah. You pick now to get kinky."

"Luke, be serious. What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the Colonel. And I really don't feel like sharing a bed with the man who would've helped the man who tried to kill me twice escape."

"Luke, he's my father. You knew better than anybody how confused I was…and still _am_ when it comes to him. Is it so hard to believe he could manipulate me like that?"

"Well let me ask you this: How many more murders would your father have to commit before you turned him in on your own, huh?"

"Luke."

"Two more? Five more? Ten more?"

"Stop it."

"Twenty more?"

"Dammit, Luke…"

"You know what, it doesn't matter. He's planning my assassination as we speak, so why bother worrying about it. I'm as good as dead anyway."

"Luke, he's in prison."

"Yeah, and we've seen how effective that was."

"Well… Maybe in the past, yeah, but now that they know what he's capable of, they'll…"

"No, Noah. No. He knows he still has a hold on you. And he believes that taking me out of the picture is all it'll take to finally get you back on his side."

"He'd be crazy to think that."

"Noah, he IS crazy."

"That's not what I…"

"As long as he thinks there's still hope that he can reach you… then there's no prison in the world that can keep him from getting to you. And the only way to get to you… is to get rid of me."

"Luke, you're just overestimating him."

"Oh, please. With the kind of connections that man has, he's probably got some of the guards already working for him."

"Luke, he wouldn't come after y-…"

"JESUS! Yes he would! You and I both know he's gonna blame me for the whole thing."

"Luke, I never once mentioned you the entire time I was with him so he wouldn't come after you, so he wouldn't think you were a part of it."

"Well a lot of good that did. But that doesn't change the fact that he's going to assume that I'm the reason his plan failed."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, Noah. Yes, I do. And when you're ready to be honest with yourself, you'll know it to. Because sooner or later he's gonna get out and he's gonna come after me. So let's not pretend that I'm completely safe just because he's behind bars right now. Because even if he can't get out, he'll just send someone to do the job for him."

"Okay, enough."

"What? We know he's got the connections."

"Luke, I made the call. I'm the one who turned him in."

"Yeah. And what made you finally decide to do that?"

[dead space]

"I'm sorry, what? I didn't hear you."

[dead space]

"That's right, Noah. Your dad sat right there on his knees and listened to you try and talk me OUT of calling the police, followed by me talking you INTO calling them, so who do you think he's gonna blame for getting caught."

"Luke, I would never let him hurt you."

"DAMMNIT, NOAH! By trying to help him get away, you already have. He's coming back for me. You know it and I know it. [Looks at Noah with disgust] which means soon you'll feel that much better about sending your father to jail because his body count will be up one."

"Wow."

"Wow what?"

"You think I don't know what you're doing?"

"What? You think I have some kind of hidden agenda?"

"I do. You think that if you're cruel enough and fight dirty enough that I'll get so pissed off that I'll _want _you to leave."

"Okay, I think that active imagination of yours has finally taken its toll."

"Deny it all you want, I know what you're doing and it's not gonna work."

"So you're saying I don't mean the things that I'm saying? Is that it?"

"Oh no, I'm sure there's truth in every single word. You just wouldn't say half of them unless you were trying to hurt me to the point that I'd wanna break up with you. Sorry, babe. It's not gonna work."

"Okay, well while you're out there in the Land of Oz, back here in Oakdale, I am very much leaving."

"I kinda doubt it. Cabs don't take credit cards and we both know you never carry cash. Besides, I think it's my turn."

"Oh, I didn't realise we were in second grade."

"Luke, why do you keep doing this? This whole year, you've been so combattive and angry with me."

"No I haven't."

"Yes, Luke. You have. You jump to all these conclusions and run head first into the middle of whatever the latest disaster is and none of us have any choice but to go after you. And I've gotta tell you, Luke, it's getting old."

"Gee, I'm sorry. And here I thought you said I was becoming more and more like the man you fell in love with."

"You are. You have been. And you'll do so well for awhile and then the first blip on the radar that there's a problem and go run head first into danger and it always blows up in your face and then you come back crying and apologizing to whoever's feelings it was that you hurt. And you don't ever listen to anything anybody has to say."

"That's crap."

"I tried to tell you about Zac and Zoe, but you wouldn't listen."

"I listened, I just didn't agree with you."

"No, Luke. You didn't listen. Do you really think I don't know that just because you say "Look, I get where you're coming from" it doesn't mean you've actually listened to a word I have to say?"

"Oh, okay. So I guess it's my fault we got kidnapped, too."

"Dammit, Luke! Why do you keep doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Acting like a selfish brat everytime you get cornered in an argument."

"Well, if you don't wanna here it, Noah. Why don't you just go?"

"Even when I save your life, you criticize me for it."

"What? That's ridiculous."

"I shoot a man who's going after you with a knife, and instead of thanking me, you ask me why I didn't do it when we'd been kidnapped. And when I got Zoe off of you, in your half-assed 'thank you', you told me not to be a hero."

"I was only thinking of you."

"No you weren't."

"Yes – I was."

"No. Because if you were really thinking of me, you'd know that I'd rather die than just sit there and listen to her rape you. So could you please just tell me why?"

"Why don't you tell me? You're the one who's supposed to know me better than anyone."

"Luke, how am I supposed to talk to you when you just keep throwing these immature, passive-aggressive little comments back in my face?"

"Hey, you're the one who wants to talk. Not me."

"Yeah, I wanna talk. But not some spoiled Prince who has a little hissy fit anytime someone tells him something he doesn't like. Or worse, tells him 'no'."

"You son of a…"

"What? A wh'ore? Murderer? Kidnapper? Pick one. They're all true. But that doesn't change the fact that Little Lord Trust Fund is acting like everything he claims to hate about himself."

"Well if you hate me so much, then why are you trying so hard to keep me from leaving?"

"Because as soon as we get you to stop hating yourself, you're gonna turn back into my sweet, selfless boyfriend who knows the difference between passionate and obsessive, and knows the difference between spontaneous and impulsive."

"Well if I hate myself, it's all your fault."

"A-ha. Another maneuver from Bitchy Luke's Rule Book for Fighting Dirty: When cornered in an argument, blame it all on the other person."

"Go to Hell."

"Tell me something. When was the last time you bitched me out about something and didn't come back asking me to forgive you, huh? When was the last time?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I want you to try acting like the man that Holden Snyder raised you to be, and not a Grimaldi heir who does whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and to hell with what happens to anybody else in the process."

"Shut up."

"...who doesn't listen to anything anyone says. Ever."

"Noah, I mean it…"

"Because the man in front of me. Know what he's gonna become? He's gonna become the kind of man who grows up to send his son to a deprogramming camp because that's what HE wants, because what HE wants is all that matters. I'm talking to Damian Junior."

***************************************************************************

A little side note here. What we've just seen was Noah doing everything he could to bring Luke to his breaking point, because he knew that until Luke got there, his grief would only come out in inappropriate ways that would have consequences that would be harmful to everyone who cared about him, as well as himself. Now then, I'm not the sort of writer who could do justice to melodrama. Sure, I could tell you about Luke screaming 'Damm you' several times and beating on Noah's chest. I could tell you about Noah tightly gripping his upper arms, and letting him beat on his chest, until Luke's rageful cries turned into remorseful sobs and he dropped to knees where Noah cradled him, and let him wheep against his chest.. And I could try and depict the inhuman sounding moans that Luke made while snot slid down Luke's nose and Noah whiped it away with the sleeve of his shirt. But I'd rather just tell you that it happened, and let you create the scene for yourself, because your imagination would, I'm sure, make far more sense than anything I could write.

So, as we return to the dialogue, both Luke and Noah are in a very different place. Luke's defences had begun to fall, as his dam had broken. Noah was… well… Noah, having taken his ego out of the equation, willing to make the moment about Luke, not in a manner that would indulge a spoiled prince, but in a way that nurtured a need to be heard, and more importantly, listened to.

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"I'm sorry," Luke sobbed.

"Shhh… It's okay. You're grieving. Things like this are going to happen."

"My Dad would be so ashamed of me right now."

"I know for a fact that that's not true."

"I'm just so… so tired of hating myself."

"Hating yourself?"

"It's like… I can't even remember what it felt like to see myself as anything but some pathetic loser who made an idiot out of himself in front of the entire world by stealing an election. It's like I can't even picture myself anymore without this… this big, black, ugly stain over everything, even anything good. And I… I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get past it. I don't even know if I can."

"Hey, hey, hey. Look at me. However it was we got here. We got here together. And that's how we're gonna move past it."

"Together?"

"Luke, there was some truth in absolutely everything you said. And I want you to know that… I'm willing to apologize for it. And I'm willing to accept responsibility for the things that happened back then. And I guess the only reason I haven't is because… because I haven't been that guy for such a long time. I don't think like him. I don't act like him. In some ways, I don't even look like him anymore. So, I can apologize for all of it. And I'm willing to make up for all of it, in any way that I can. But if you want me to try to explain the things that that guy did… I don't even know if I can. Because none of those things make sense to me anymore. And if I had one wish, it would be that the man that I am now could've been around to protect you from the scared, selfish idiot that I was when we first met and for a long time after that. But somehow, we'll get past it. I mean, whatever we have to do. Couple's counceling. Shock therapy. Swimming with dolphins."

"Dolphins?"

"Hey, I said anything."

"And you'd do all that for me?"

"No. I'd do all that _with _you. For us."

"Promise?"

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

"As hard as it is to believe. Yeah, you are. I just can't figure out why."

"Luke, look at our lives. Look at everything we've had to deal with. We've lived ten lifetimes apeice in two years. It's a miracle we've lasted as long as we have without professional help . With everything we've had working against us, we should have failed. But we didn't. And more importantly, we won't."

"It _would _be really nice to not feel so… so ugly anymore."

"I'll take ugly honesty over phony happiness anyday."

"You callin' me ugly?"

"What if I am? You wanna make somethin' of it?"

"Seriously, though… I know I haven't been the easiest person to love this past year."

"The loving you part was easy. But I'll admit, it hasn't always been fun."

"That's fair."

Noah grinned. "Great sex though."

"Oh totally."

"Awesome sex."

"Yeah, if I'm gonna be a pain in the ass, it's only fair that you stole my innocense."

"Uh, if I remember correctly, you gave it pretty willingly."

"Yeah?"

"Practically threw it at me."

"Hmmm… Starting to think I might want it back."

"Nope. Mine."

The two chuckled together.

"Noah," Luke began, somewhat hesitantly, but with need. "Why do you love me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Sounds to me like it's pretty obvious."

"Luke, for the past hour, you've listed a million different ways that I've been a complete ass in the two years we've been together, not to mention the time before that when we should have been together."

"Yeah, but you got passed it all."

"Really? Because not going to your Dad's funeral feels like a pretty big step back."

"But it's understandable. You tried to be there for me and I pushed you away. It's not a stretch to see how you felt I was doing the same thing."

"Yeah, but Luke. If anyone should know that the death of your father can make you do and act in ways that don't make sense, it's me."

"Well… You do have a point."

"I mean…" Noah began, "my choices were to either be with you or to join the army."

"Ugh. Don't remind me."

"No, I'm just saying that the fact that I would choose the army is all the proof you need to know I wasn't in my right mind. And that wasn't even the end of it. I mean, getting back together with you at the Cyndi Lauper concert one night, and then tell you I'm shipping out to play G. the very next day. I mean… What the hell was that?"

Luke laughed silently. "I don't know. You're asking the wrong man."

"I know this much, it's a pretty messed up way to ask the love of your life to wait for you."

"Ah. So that's what you were doing."

"If I had to guess, that's the best I can come up with," Noah replied. "Because back then, the thought of you and Roth in the same room together made me wanna put him in cement shoes and make him sleep with the fishes."

"Wow. And I thought I was the jealous type."

The two shared a peaceful moment. Then...

"Luke, I want you to do something for me."

"Hmmm… Okay."

"I want you to make a list."

"A list?"

"A list of everything that's happened between the two of us that hurt you."

"A list. You're serious."

"If it hurt you, and I played a part in it, I wanna know about it."

"Wow… You are serious."

"Like you said, those old wounds didn't close right the first time. Maybe if we clean 'em out, you'll get the closure you need, and they'll actually heal this time."

Luke smiled. "You're such a romantic. Ya know that?"

"Well, if I am, it's because you make it easy."

"Not lately."

"Well, seeing as how you've been carrying all that around, I'm surprised you haven't, how did you say it… kicked my sorry ass to the curb."

"Me? I can't believe you've put up with me as long as you have. Actually, now that we're being all… honest with each other… why have you stayed this long?"

Noah thought for a moment, then sighed. "Luke, one of these days, you and I are gonna stand together in front of everyone we care about and say 'for better or for worse' and when that day comes, I want you to remember this moment. And know that I mean every word."

"Is that a proposal, Mister Mayer?"

"Hmm… Consider it a… a pre-proposal."

"Ah… a preproposal. That's fun to say."

"It's good to hear you laugh again."

"It's good to be laughing."

"I'll bet" Noah kissed the top of Luke's blonde head. "Hey, ya know something else about our wedding?"

"What?"

"It's gonna kick Ameera's wedding's ass!"

*******************************************************************************************************************  
N  
O  
T  
E  
S

The next chapter will be a letter than Noah will read out loud to Luke. Hope this wasn't too terribly long. And that you enjoyed it.  
Sincerely,  
Alwyn


	2. Phase One: Luke's First Kiss

Hey! Here's my first attempt at (intentionally) writing fluffy stuff. Hope you have fun!

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Phase One: Luke's First Kiss

It took Luke all of fifteen minutes to compile the list of grievances that Noah played any part in, the vast majority of which having been covered in their heated (putting it lightly) confrontation. Luke handed the list to his lover late that very evening, somewhat nervously, and after a single read-through, Noah sighed, scratched the stubble on his chin, thought for a bit, and gave his beloved boyfriend a long look. With a small smile to comfort him, Noah said, "I want you to know that I'm not at all angry about any of this, at least, not at you, but I think I'm gonna go for a little walk to clear my head and give myself a chance to think it over." Without delay, he folded the sheet of paper, slid it into his breast pocket, and headed for the door. "So this isn't me storming out. This is just me taking a walk to do some thinking."

Luke thought to tell Noah that treating him like glass wasn't necessary, but on second thought… _(Actually… at the moment, it probably is)._ After all, it was a night of honesty, and Luke knew his self-esteem hung in a delicate balance.

With a small nod from Luke, Noah, careful not to sound as though he were talking down to his boyfriend, said, "I don't expect to be gone too long, but I don't want you to feel like you have to wait up for me. If I'm not back in an hour or so, it only means I'm not quite done thinking." Inspired by the appreciative expression on Luke's face, he added, "Either way, I promise that you're gonna wake up in my arms tomorrow morning. Okay?"

It took Luke two attempts to speak and a throat clearing to say "Sounds good."

But Noah didn't say 'goodbye' or 'see you later', but let his eyes hold onto his lover's as he closed the door, hoping it would leave Luke feeling less alone. What Noah didn't tell Luke was that he took a long walk to visit Holden's gravesite, in hopes that his late father-in-law (family is who you love) could maybe give him a sign. No one had ever taken better care of Luke than Holden – Noah knew this – and he hoped the man who knew his son's needs better than his own would be so kind as to pass the knowledge on to him.

********************************************************

For the next few weeks Noah was a human Gummy Bear, bouncing from one activity to the next, fueled by something intangible, but he made it crystal clear to Luke that he was not privy to what said intangible something was. At least not yet.

Two weeks: That's all Noah asked for. He said he just needed two weeks to get everything in order. As to what 'everything' was, that was anybody's guess. Except that it wasn't. The whole town seemed to be in on it, but no one was cracking, not even Natalie, Luke's youngest sister. Apparently, they all understood how important it was to Noah that this would go off without a hitch. Equally important was the secrecy; Noah's cell phone was never further than his pocket except at night, when he would lock it in his truck and hide the keys, just in case his mischievous boyfriend was tempted to investigate the cast of characters to whom Noah had been talking.

If Noah's changing moods were any indication - he was careful to make sure Luke didn't receive the brunt of it - putting all of this in motion was no easy task. Sometimes he came home frustrated, having hit a roadblock in his master plan, but the grumpiness was nothing compared to the childlike giddiness in his eyes when he (Luke guessed) found a resolution. Whatever it was, it must have been major. It had to be if it required two trips out of town, one of them including an overnight stay in a hotel.

Luke asked himself, "Now what are the odds that he's gone to California to yell at Ameera?" He laughed at the thought.

Then, one day he woke up to an alarm clock that Noah must have set. After hitting the snooze button, several more clocks sounded: One on the floor in the hallway, and another on the kitchen table. Also on the kitchen table was an envelope with Luke's name on it. The note inside read…

_Good Morning Sleepyhead _

_If I've done my job, then today you're in for a pretty wild ride. _

_Don't worry; I've taken care of everything. I cleared your schedule for the day so no need to worry about missing any prior 'll find your "costume" and "stage directions" on the sofa. _

Luke took a quick glance. A blue t-shirt and jeans. "Hmm. Easy enough."

_Your instructions from your tyrannical director – meaning yours truly – are to get changed and come find me at a certain tv station at 10am. You'll know where. _

_Love,_  
_Noah _

Luke looked at the clothes once again. "Wonder what he's up to."

After a quick shower, dressing up in the assigned wardrobe and two cups of coffee (What did I do with my phone?), Luke was out the door and headed to the studio. In no time at all, he was standing just outside the door to the office where, as they say, it all began.

That's when he saw him, standing in the office, just as he'd done two years before. Noah was wearing his light green shirt with thin white vertical stripes, his navy blazer, and khaki pants. In his hand he held the very necktie that started their necktie tradition.

"I…" Luke stammered. "I don't know what to say."

Noah smiled at his love, that wide smile that challenged the width of his face. He held the tie up so that it hung down to his waist, and asked, "Does this match?"

Luke's mouth was wide open with wonder. "I can't believe you did this."

Other than the smile on his face, Noah remained in the scene, if not entirely in character. "Uh… Luke, I don't mean to be rude but I'm kinda in a hurry here."

Suddenly, two weeks worth of nostalgic conversations all made sense. Noah had had Luke looking in his diaries, which were basically verbatim play-by-plays of the most influential moments in his life. No surprise that nine out of ten involved Noah. He had done such an impressive job of appearing innocently curious about the old days, just for the sake of remembering.

"Uh… will your dad even notice? Most guys don't."

"Oh trust me, my Dad'll notice. He'll even notice that my shoes aren't shined." Noah wrapped the tie around his neck, and started to clumsily form the knot.

Luke had to smile. "Hey, don't strangle yourself."

"Yeah? Right now, I wouldn't mind if I did."

Luke stepped forward, felt his hands shaking. "I… _I_ can do it."

This time Noah didn't hesitate, but stepped effortlessly within Luke's reach.

Taking the tie in his hands, Luke fixed and straightened what Noah had begun, all under the watch of two hungry eyes. Finishing his work with the well-starched shirt collar, Luke looked into his true love's eyes, and trembled. "What's wrong?" he asked, just above a whisper.

The look in Luke's eyes awakened that valiant part of Noah that needed to protect his vulnerable boyfriend's innocence. Maybe this time…

"Nothing," Noah said, and kissed Luke tenderly, pulling back only to look into his eyes, before claiming Luke's mouth as his own. But this time felt different; this time there was more than desire. To be sure, the passion and want were present (and palpable), but it was all made sweeter by the acceptence and adoration that coaxed the doubts and uncertainties from Luke's mind. This was the first kiss he had dreamed about as a youth.

As subtly as he could, and without disturbing the moment, Noah reached into the side pocket of his blazer, where Luke's cell phone was resting, and felt his way to the first button: speed dial one: Noah. Suddenly, Noah's phone rang behind him, and he felt Luke's lips jerk. That was his cue.

With a smoothness that James Dean would have envied, Noah eased out of their kiss, stepped toward the ringing phone, and picked it up. But instead of answering it, Noah turned back to Luke, holding it up in a presentational manner. He took a somewhat guilty pleasure in the confused look on Luke's face. "Now this. This moment right here," said Noah "This is where I turned into a horse's ass…" Noah hung up Luke's phone, causing his own to cease its ringing. "...and wrecked what should have been one of the best, most memorable moments of your life." Putting his phone in his pants pocket, he stepped forward and took Luke back into his arms. "And I made it memorable for all the wrong reasons."

Then Luke, being Luke, attempted a verbal rush to Noah's rescue. "I know I said that it hurt me, and yeah it did hurt, but I really do understand," he said. "I mean… I know how scary coming out can be, and…"

Noah silenced him with a kiss. Then, "Hush, you," he said affectionately. "Luke, maybe once upon a time it made sense to walk on eggshells to keep from making me defensive or hurting my feelings or scaring me off. But that time has long passed." After another quick kiss, he went on. "So it's time to stop letting me off the hook so easily. We're not kids anymore. I'm a big boy, Luke, and if you're hurt, even if you don't think you have the right to be, I wanna kno-… No, I _need_ to know about it. Even if it hurts me. Even if it puts me in one of my moods, I'll get over it."

Luke sniffed and blinked quickly. Maybe it was too late to stop the mass exodus of tears, but he could at least keep the snot in check. "You know, this memory used to really haunt me," he said, sounding every bit as vulnerable as he felt, "but it's quickly becoming one of my favorites." He smiled.

Noah, sporting a clever grin, gave his eyebrows a playful bounce. "That's the idea," he said, pleased beyond his imagination's reach that his plan was working, and hopeful that it would continue to do so. His only concern was that Luke would be ripped to cathartic shreds by day's end. But there was something magical about this day. And if there wasn't, Noah would make his own magic, because that's what he felt Luke deserved.

Noah held Luke closer, bringing their faces inches apart, and rocked them both together from side to side, like two kids at a sixth grade dance: the shy wallflower had finally won his chance to woo the vibrant social butterfly.

In a voice clear and mild, Noah said, "It wasn't a joke, Luke," leading the smaller man to close his eyes and let the words wash over him. Noah continued. "I'd just had my first kiss with the person I belonged with all along. The joke was my life before it happened. I left this very same room in these very same clothes as the most honest version of myself I'd ever been. And there's nothing funny about that." Noah lightly kissed Luke's eyelid; the eyelashes dampened his lips. "And as for it being a mistake…" He kissed the other closed eye. "The only mistake is what I did with it," he said. "I was given a choice: I could let this amazing man in my arms teach me what it meant to live openly and honestly, because he'd made it pretty damm clear that he was more than willing to do so. Or I could punish myself and deny me the chance at the kind of love that I thought only ever happened in the movies."

Then Luke, having acquired a taste for his own tears, laughed at himself for crying. It made sense at the time. "You're not gonna be happy until I'm a blubbering puddle on the floor, are you?"

"Hey, if that's what it takes to get my guy smiling again," Noah said, "then hell yeah." He nuzzled his nose against his lover's. "But now… I've gotta go get ready," he said, gave Luke a peck on the cheek, and started to saunter off, but upon hearing Luke's footsteps behind him, he turned to cut him off. "Hey, hey, where do you think you're going?"

It had all happened so suddenly. "Uh… I'm just following you."

"No, no, no. You've got a wardrobe change before you can go anywhere, Mister."

"Did I just hear the words 'wardrobe change' come out of my big hunky boyfriend's mouth?"

Noah took Luke's shoulders and spun him around. "Look in the desk chair. You'll find a change of clothes and times and directions for the next scene." Noah patted Luke's bottom to get him going, winning a chuckle from the blushing blond. But before Luke could catch a glimpse of his new "costume", he heard Noah say "Oh and Luke," and spun around to face him.

"Yeah?"

Noah folded his arms and leaned against the doorframe. "See you in your next memory."

And with a wink and a grin, he was gone.


	3. Phase Two: The Hospital

A/N: Hey guys! This was, admittedly, rushed and will be getting (most likely) a hefty bit of re-writing, but hopefully you'll get a smile or two out of it.

Enjoy!  
Alwyn

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Phase Two: The Hospital

"Is he kidding me with this?" Luke asked, staring at the hospital gown… and nothing else. "If by a 'wild ride' he means getting me arrested for indecent exposure, then he better plan on getting really well-acquainted with his dominant hand." He picked up the adjacent envelope. "Now what are the odds that there's a pair of pants in here?" No luck; it was just a short note.

_Dear Luke,_

_At 10:30 there will be an ambulance outside to take you to the hospital. I hope you wore the boxer shorts that I put out for you this morning because the two very large men who will be assisting you have been instructed to take your jeans off by force in case you try to cheat the costume change. You will also find a blindfold and a pair of earplugs on the stretcher. Use them. (Don't argue with the director. I've got my reasons)._

_Now, I know how you feel about people helping you in and out of wheelchairs and hospital beds, so I hope you know that I say this with love:_

_Deal with it._

_See you soon._

_Love,  
Noah_

* * *

It's amazing how persuasive Noah can be when properly motivated. It's amazing how properly motivating Luke can be for Noah. Equally amazing is what you can accomplish when backed by Lucinda Walsh, the First Lady of Oakdale. How else would it have been possible to get a hospital to agree to allow Noah use of one of their rooms in order to re-create a memory. Actually, they were surprisingly willing to do so. Love for Luke Snyder spread more widely than he felt he deserved. Noah knew better.

Upon exiting WOAK, Luke felt more than a little ridiculous, thanks in part to the breeze that was threatening to expose his bare backside through the slit of the hospital gown. Any temptation to refuse being helped onto and off of the stretcher and onto the hospital bed were silenced upon sight of the two hospital orderlies assigned to young Master Snyder. _(Fifty bucks says Noah told them to send the two biggest guys they had)_ Luke considered waiting to apply the blindfold and earplugs until just before arriving at the hospital, but Noah had done his job all too well: the two bulldogs hired to get him to the hospital needed only to look expectantly at the young man in order to convince him to comply.

Not long after arriving in the room, the same hospital room in which he had spent more time than he cared to remember, he felt the blindfold being removed and the earplugs taken out (The hindering of senses had prevented him from being aware that anyone had entered the room). Since Luke's eyes had grown accustomed to the artificial darkness the blindfold provided, the florescent lights had him squinting his eyes – just as he had done the first time around – until they adjusted to their brightness. _(So that's what the blindfold was for)_ he thought. _(I've gotta hand it to him… that boyfriend of mine sure knows how to set the scene). _

The first person Luke saw through squinted eyes was, to his surprise: "Mom?" he asked in disbelief. "So he's got you in on this too."

Lily was wearing the same red top she had been when Luke first awakened from Colonel Mayer's attack. "Who does, Sweetie?"

"My magical-moment-making boyfriend."

Lily feigned confusion. "Boyfriend? I thought you and Noah just started dating," she said, and caressed the side of her son's head. "Hmmm. Maybe you hit your head harder than we realized."

"Wow," Luke said, "your commitment to your character is impressive."

Lily smiled gracefully and kissed her son's forehead. "Why don't I let you two have some time alone," she said, and with a delicate smile made her way out of the room.

"You… Two?" It hadn't occurred to Luke that someone might be sitting to the other side of his hospital bed. "Ohhhh." There, in the corner, was Noah, (pretending to be) asleep in his chair. He was wearing his red and green checkered shirt, unbuttoned, with a t-shirt underneath. On his head was Luke's black baseball cap, the bill pulled forward to cover his eyes.

"Uh, excuse me, sir?" Luke said. "I believe you must have the wrong room."

Noah did a surprisingly professional job of making his awakening believable, though perhaps smacking his chops was a bit much. No matter; it made Luke smile, which was the point. "Hey… You're awake."

"How was our fishing trip?"

"Well…" Noah pulled his chair up to just beside Luke's bed, leaned forward, placing his elbows on the mattress. "Luke, I'm afraid I've got some bad news."

"My fish got away?"

"You remember my dad?"

"Ah, yes. How is Doctor Evil?"

"Well…" Noah paused for effect. "It turns out he was a liiiiiittle less okay with the gay thing than I thought."

"Wow. Do I look surprised? Because I am," Luke said. "No really, totally blown away."

"Yeah, you look it."

"Must be the shock," Luke said. "Snyders look remarkably unshocked when they're… ya know…"

"Shocked?"

"Exactly!"

"Mmmm. That must be it."

Luke looked down at his legs. "Any chance I'm in this bed because the Hampton Inn was all booked up?"

"Actually, that's the real bad news."

"Oh dear," Luke said. "Well, don't sugar coat it. Give it to me straight… in a gay sort of way."

"You've caught a little cold," said Noah.

"A cold?"

"Oops, I mean paralysis."

"I caught paralysis?"

"Just a touch."

"Oh dear."

"Only from the waist down."

"Awww darn." In mock disappointment, Luke snapped his fingers. "I'll never lose my virginity now."

"Whoa, now. Let's not get crazy."

"Okay, so I'll lose my virginity, I just won't feel it." Luke pouted. "No fun."

Noah chuckled. "Trust me on this one," he said, "when the time comes for you to lose your virginity, I will make it my _personal_ responsibility to make absolutely sure that you feel it."

Knowing that Noah was the right man for the job, Luke (re)hired him on the spot. "Well… as long as it's not too much trouble."

"Hey, you know what they say: It's a dirty job, but nobody but me is gonna do it."

Luke laughed. "Not enough applicants?"

"If that gets me the job, then yeah. Not enough applicants."

"Surprising, what with the state of the economy."

"Mystery."

"Jobs being scarce and all."

Noah's head swayed to one side, then the other. "Well, to be honest… maybe there were a few other guys interested in the position."

"Oh were there now?"

"I'm ashamed to say it, but yeah, there were," said Noah, "but in my defense, they couldn't make it because they're all down in the emergency room."

"The emergency room? What happened?"

"It's the weirdest thing. Some crazed, jealous lunatic came outta nowhere and beat 'em all to mush."

"Oh my!" Luke said, stifling a laugh. "Was he a cute lunatic at least?"

"That's what's even weirder. People say he and I could be twins."

"Ooh. Tall, dark, and possessive. Just my type."

Noah hoisted an eyebrow. "Possessive?"

"You mean, I'm free to see other people?"

"Of course you are but… wait… wait… I'm getting a vision," Noah closed his eyes and rubbed his forehead. "Uh oh!" He looked at Luke. "It looks like any other guys who try to date you will turn up on the missing persons list within 24 hours of the date's end." He gave a hefty sigh. "Too bad, Luke. I was really pullin' for ya."

"Mm-hmm, you're practically oozing disappointment." Luke reached out and tweaked Noah's nose, but jerked his hand back before Noah could make a game of biting Luke's fingers. Luke risked a more serious tone. "You know… if I remember correctly, this isn't what you were wearing the first time you came to the hospital."

Noah allowed for the change in mood, but remained in the scene. "Really? Because other than a mandatory trip to the police station, I've been right here in this room the whole time… because that's what you do when you care about someone as much as I care about you." Noah's heart grew weighted, and his manner grew humble. "I should've been here," he said with quiet certainty, and aged sorrow. "You needed me," he continued. "You needed me and I wasn't here..."

Luke's tears rose and fell with his blessing, and Noah honored them by leaving them be.

"In all fairness," Luke said, "You've just found out that your dad killed your mom, not to mention he just tried to kill me."

Noah took a moment, then nodded as one does as they're gradually becoming convinced, but not of what Luke guessed. "Yeah, you're right," Noah said simply. "My dad tried to kill two people, and now I can either torture myself because of the time he succeeded. . . or I could be here thanking my lucky stars about the time that he failed." One word more and Noah's waterworks would have commenced.

For the moment that followed, only their eyes were needed, until Noah realized there was something he needed Luke to know. "True or false," he said, brushing his fingers lightly over his lover's cheek. "If, God forbid, anything like this ever happens to you again, your boyfriend will be the very first person you see when you open your eyes."

Luke's manner remained vulnerable, but he replied in the spirit of the game. "What do I get if I get the answer right?"

Noah deepened his voice. "How does a sex slave for the rest of the weekend sound?"

Apparently, dreams really do come true. "Wow. I guess I better get this one right, huh."

Noah clicked his cheek. "I guess you better."

"Well let's see… My boyfriend's name is Noah… which is made up of four letters." Luke puckered his lips, tapping the lower to emphasize his depth of concentration. "And there are also four letters in 'true'…." He wrinkled his forehead in cartoonish concentration. "Gee, this is a tough one."

Noah rolled his eyes. "Ya know, you could just say that your boyfriend is the dependable type."

"Oh sure, I could," Luke said, "But my boyfriend doesn't like me to let him off the hook too easily."

"Now how'd I know that would come back to bite me."

"But just for fun, let's try it your way and go wiiiiiith…" Luke took this opportunity to reinvent the pregnant pause. "True?"

Noah brought his smiling lips dangerously close to his lovers. "Congratulations, Sweetheart," he said, in a voice that made a willing meal of his boyfriend. "You just won yourself a sex slave." Naturally, Noah followed with a knee-weakening kiss.

Luke gazed up, his ears still tingling. "Um… did you just call me 'Sweetheart'?"

Even Noah's shrug seemed charming. "I always thought it sounded cool when Han Solo said it."

Luke's smile widened. "To Princess Leia?"

Noah squished his eyes shut to escape rejection. "I was kinda hoping we could overlook that part."

A giggle bubbled up from Luke's center. "Oh I suppose I can let that slide."

Noah opened one eye. "Yeah?"

"Sure," Luke said, "but I draw the line at the gold bikini."

Noah chuckled and ruffled Luke's hair, as Luke had often done to him, and said, "Mmmmm… you're a good boyfriend."

This time it was Luke who remained committed to the scene. "But if this is back then, then technically you're not my boyfriend yet."

"Unfortunately, you're right. I'm not," said Noah, keeping himself near. His voiced softened with sincerity. "But you have no idea how much I wanna be."

Luke lost a quick battle with the lump in his throat. "Even then?"

Noah, his eyes drunk with sympathy, smiled, then whispered, "even then."

"I… I never knew…"

"I know. And guess whose fault that was." Three times, Noah tapped the center of his own chest while pointing at himself.

"Oh, I dunno," Luke said, thinking his boyfriend's sense of responsibility might be stretching beyond fairness. "I'm sure my own insecurities played their part in putting the blinders on."

But losing this round wasn't an option for Noah, which his grin made clear. "Well maybe they did," he said, with a hint of teasing. "But someone like you deserves to be wooed in a way that leaves no question as to the gentleman caller's intentions."

Luke felt like the cutest guy in school had just offered to carry his books for him. "For what it's worth, today you're dropping all the right clues."

Noah couldn't remember a time (before this) when he was excited enough to fantasize about skiping down the hallway, but his plan was working even better than expected.

"So…" Luke continued, in the name of putting one final insecurity to rest. "Since we're currently in a scene from two years ago, I've gotta ask you… You're not afraid that I wouldn't wanna see you after what your dad did?"

"Oh, are you kidding? I'm terrified," Noah said, taking Luke's hand. "But the guy holding your hand now knows that that's not his call to make. . . and he's man enough to risk being rejected…" Noah squeezed the trembling hand he was holding. "…because not risking it means he might never get the chance to be with you again… and any man who can't see that…" He shrugged. "…doesn't deserve you."

Luke's eyes had begun to sparkle with wetness. "I'm starting to think you've got that backwards."

Noah leaned to kiss his lover; his lips would win this discussion if his words couldn't, and not only did they win; their victory was the stuff of legend. "Don't worry, Sweetheart," he said. "You let me take care of that." But Noah wasn't willing to let his own self get away with a cleverly placed turn of phrase. "Remember how you told me that... that you hoped I'd find a way to forgive my father... not for him, but for myself?"

Luke's nod was subtle; Noah wondered if he had imagined it.

"Well... I'm hoping you can find a way to somehow forgive me for not being who you needed me to be," said Noah, with a sad smile. "Not because I deserve to be forgiven," he said, "but because you deserve to be able to finally let this go."

And with that, Luke felt the last threads of the wound rip open, with Noah's single tear to mend it. The room would never again be remembered as a place for an insecure boy, feeling lonely and abandoned. It would be a place where Luke remembered feeling horrendously flawed, and yet for the first time, knowing what it meant to be perfectly imperfect. Noah had known him at his worst, at his meanest, and at his ugliest, and as he promised, he had stood by him, so maybe, just maybe he was still worth loving after all.

Noah took Luke's hand and kissed it in a gentlemanly fashion. "See you in your next memory."

* * *


End file.
